The Cost of Following Jesus.

‘yet another said, i will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home. Jesus said to him, ‘no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.’
Luke 9.61-62

‘and a scribe came up to him and said to him, ‘Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” and Jesus said to him, “foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nest, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” Another of the disciples said to him, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead.”
Matthew 8.18-22

‘then Jesus told his disciples, ‘if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. for whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.’
Matthew 16.24-25

‘Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heaves that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will be your heart also.’
Luke 12.32-34

what is the cost of following Jesus?
is it not just a simple choice made to want to go to heaven.

when Jesus calls a man, He calls him to come and die to self. to take up his cross daily and live for Him. it is no longer about living for myself and my kingdom. No, instead it is all about Him. His glory. His name. His renown. My life is to be lived as a living sacrifice, dying to self daily to live for Him.

‘I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live but christ who lives in me. and the life i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.’
Galatians 2.20

The cost seems steep. to hear Jesus say, leave the ‘dead to bury the dead’ and to hear him say to not say farewell to his family but to leave everything and follow Him, that alone makes me stop and think. why does He say these things?? i am torn. I love my family and friends. i love them so much. by the Lord’s grace I have new love for my enemies. a heart that has been in the pit and poison of bitterness is now beginning to cry out to the Lord for Him to work in my ‘enemies’ hearts. so how can i go?? i may hurt them and they may not feel that i love them. but then how can i not follow my Lord?? How can i say no and choose false comfort and false security in this world and it’s possessions. See the past few months the Lord has graciously taken everything from me that i have been putting my trust and hope in… i have been put trust and hope in man, material things, my accomplishments and pride. idols that have come crumbling down. failing me miserably. they always do and always will. the only ONE i can trust is JESUS.
so how can i not leave it all behind and follow Him??
i do not want to be like the rich man and go away sorrowful because i chose riches over Jesus.
No i want to be like the disciples… leave everything and follow Him.
they left family, possessions, occupations, friends, their comfortable way of life… everything. for HIM. and do you know what they found??
joy. pure abounding joy.
oh there was heartache for sure.
there were sleepless nights. and beatings. floggings. hunger and thirst. chains and prisons. slanders and cursing toward them. but they pressed on. they had been with Jesus and knew Him and would give up everything for Him.

after receiving His grace and salvation… that grace that was bought by the precious blood of JESUS CHRIST… how can i not give it all up for Him??
i am humbled and fall on my knees in awe. humble adoration that Jesus would call me and save me and raise this dead heart to give it life. eternal life. life that i never deserved. there is nothing good in me apart from HIM.

so the choice is hard but it is clear. i must go where He calls me.
i must go where He would have me go.
it may not be safe.
it may not be the American dream or lifestyle.
but it is His will… and my prayer is that His will be done here on earth as it is in Heaven.
so Lord today i surrender my heart and my life to You.
where you lead i will follow.
may i not lay up treasure here on earth but only treasures in heaven… where my treasures are, there is my heart.
oh Lord, i want to know you more and more… to see and behold Your glory.
to worship you and sing praises with my mouth and by the way i live this life you have given me to live.
it’s all for you.
you alone.
to you be the glory and honor and praise!!

so is the LORD calling you to come and follow Him?
to leave it all behind and follow?
if so… Go. and run after Him.
you will not be disappointed.
there may be heartache and trials…. but take heart for He has overcome the world and He will never leave you nor forsake you.
never.
not once.
and in the end… when it’s all said and done… those trials and pain will be forgotten.
for we will see the LORD face and face and be astonished.
face down. bowing. crying ‘ holy, holy, holy is the LORD ALMIGHTY’

Confession.

‘Confess your sin. Confess its deliberateness–that, too, the Blood will cover. Stop stewing. Leave your pride at the Cross, Christ still loves you. Christ will make you holy.’
Elizabeth Elliot.

‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’
1 John 1.9

Real.

“Teach the truth; spread it around. Let people know what is right and real about life from the Bible that you hold in your hand. Live righteously; practice what you preach. Expect trouble because you will get it. There will be times when what you say will be very unpopular, but that does not stop you from saying it and living it. Above all else, walk with the Lord. Love the Lord Jesus. Live in His presence. Draw closer each day to that Divine Lord who walks invisibly in our midst, who is in charge of all the events of earth, controlling them and working them out to His one great purpose, which He shall bring to pass.”
-Ray Stedman-

it wasn’t that harsh of a word but it struck me and made me ponder a few things.
see i was asked why i missed the party and my answer was because i was spending my day serving with my church family.
So i missed the party. and the question came,
‘so you think God is more important?”
and so there is was. out in the open and my chance to respond.
not only with a ‘yes’
but a reason why God is more important than any party or thing on this earth.
so today i may not have made it to the ‘party’ because i was busy serving the Lord. but i also don’t want to be busy when the Lord calls me to come to His feast or to miss sitting at His feet. See Jesus told of the parable that the king sent out the invitation for the great feast and banquet. Unfortunately many of the guests replied no due to busy lives full of working in the fields, going about their business, and going their own way. So may i not be consumed with service that i miss time spent with my Lord. Nothing is as sweet as the time spent resting in Him, praising Him, sitting or bowing at His feet in humble awe, listening to Him, pouring out my heart to Him my Refuge and Hope.

i cannot go out into this world and stand if i go out fighting on my own strength. i cannot go out and stand firm in the Lord or fight the waging war without spending time in the Word, to get dressed in the whole armor of God. I need Him and I need His Spirit to fill my heart, to renew my spirit and strength. I am weak and frail. His strong and Mighty. so trouble will come and my words about God may cause some rifles during the day, but i do not want to be ashamed of the gospel. for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes.(Rom. 1.16)

so i pray that today i may share the good news. the good news of the gospel.
share Jesus Christ and His message to all. preach it. live it. proclaim it by the way i live my life.

actions show what i truly believe.
so will i be meek and quiet? or i will give an answer for the hope that is within my heart. the hope and joy that overflows, that i cannot describe. the peace that surpasses understanding in midst of a raging storm is only from Him. left to myself i am a girl afraid to speak, a girl trembling at the knees, a girl that would rather hide away from the world than to risk being rejected or ridiculed. That is the old me. the new me. the me that has the the Holy Spirit in my heart… that is the me that has to get this message out. i fight my flesh still. moment by moment i fight the battle to fear or trust Him. when i remember what He has done in my heart and life, and when i remember that it is not my words, but His. when i surrender to Him and let His Holy Spirit reign in me, that is when i cannot run and hide. i want to and that temptation is there… but more than i want to be accepted and liked. more than i want to enjoy the earthly pleasures of this life. I want to be faithful and obedient to the life He has called me to live.
I want to proclaim His Truth, the gospel to all people. all people. not just people that look like me. not just people that are ‘safe’. not just ‘healthy’ people. no i want to share it with my neighbor, the man on the street, the one that has found them self locked behind bars, the girl that overdosed on the drug but was saved and is now in the hospital bed wondering where do i go now?, the one that i lying on the ground in need of help, the one that is living in a mansion that says to himself “who will bring me down from here”, the one that is lying in the bathroom floor cutting herself one more time, the one that is in the gym that can’t exercise enough to be ‘thin enough’, the one that works 90 hours a week to prove he or she is enough, the one that is in the nursing home reflecting on all of life’s decisions, the one that is in the abortion clinic thinking there is no other way, to the child that is crying in the closet that doesn’t understand the evil that was done, the one that is in the church week after week serving longing for someone to understand them or still working to earn salvation, the one that is the life of the party but inside dying alone and longing for a love that is steadfast… the world needs to hear the gospel. the world needs to see the gospel lived out in daily life.

so the life we live here is never easy. there is pain, heartache, tears, and sorrow with suffering. but take heart. there is hope… Hope in Jesus Christ!!He has come. He is Living and working. Working today, all around. orchestrating events and moving in people’s hearts. He is knocking, calling and i want to be His witness and disciple. to go wherever he calls me to go.

so i’m choosing to remain firm in my decision. saying no to the party. no to the temporary pleasures of this world, to live for someone greater than i. i’m living for the King. I’m living for Jesus.
He came to this world, He came humble as a baby, to live on this earth to sympathize with our weakness, temptations, and trials. never sinning and then taking all of my sin and the world’s sin, upon His shoulders to die a horrendous death on the cross, to rise again and live to reign and make a way for sinners to be saved. praise HIM!! praise Him!! praise Him!!

shout out to the King!! He has made a way and has washed me clean. He has forgiven me and clothed me with His garment of salvation and robe of righteousness!!
that is the best gift i could ever receive.
i need nothing else this year. only Jesus.

my Shepherd

Psalm 23(NLT)
A psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.

——–

I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep.
John 10.11

He personally carried our sins
in his body on the cross
so that we can be dead to sin
and live for what is right.
By his wounds
you are healed.
Once you were like sheep
who wandered away.
But now you have turned to your Shepherd,
the Guardian of your souls.
1 Peter 2.24-25

He will feed his flock like a shepherd.
He will carry the lambs in his arms,
holding them close to his heart.
Isaiah 40.11

Your hands Reached into the depths of darkness
Your arms Pulled me to the light above
Your voice Spoke the word that broke my heart
Your eyes Burn with holy passion, fire, and love
You lead Me beside the quiet waters
You walk In the shadows of deaths darkened door
You make Tables right before my enemies
You take oil and then you pour it over me
The Lord is my Shepherd, I will fear no evil
You are my Shepherd, God,I will fear no evil
Surely goodness and mercy cover me
All the days of my life they cover me
Surely Im going to dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever and ever and ever and ever more
You are my refuge, You are my refuge O God.
-jason upton-

Charles Spurgeon:
The child, in danger of the fire, just clings to the fireman, and trusts to him alone. She raises no question about the strength of his limbs to carry her, or the zeal of his heart to rescue her; but she clings. The heat is terrible, the smoke is blinding, but she clings; and her deliverer quickly bears her to safety. In the same childlike confidence cling to Jesus, who can and will bear you out of danger from the flames of sin.

‘And the Lord said;
‘Because this people draw near with their mouth
and honor me with their lips,
while their hearts are from me,
and their fear of me is a commandment taught by men,…
ah stubborn children, declares the Lord,
who carry out a plan, but not mine,
and who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit,
that they may add sin to sin;
who set out to go down to Egypt,
without asking for my direction,
to take refuge in the protection of Pharaoh
and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt!
Therefore shall the protection of Pharaoh turn to your shame,
and the shelter in the shadow of Egypt to your humiliation.’
Isaiah 29.13, 30.1-3

Search my heart Lord.
may my words of praise and love for You, match my heart.
no more hypocrisy.

saying one thing.
saying i want You to draw near or that i say i want to draw near to Your throne of grace and mercy,
yet, all the while in my heart… harboring the sin and prideful ways.

learning the ‘christian’ or ‘religious’ way can make me appear ‘good’ in the eyes of others. but You are never fooled.
You see my heart.
You see my stubborn ways.

You see when i refuse to submit and surrender to Your great plan.
Instead choosing my ways and choosing to go where i desire.
seeking shelter and protection in …. my job, my friends, my successes, my achievements, my financial statements, etc.

and there is no peace.
there is no rest in my soul.
i am saying i want to live for You, yet my heart is far from You.

Lord, I need You to create in me a pure heart.
Only You can create a pure heart from this wretched soul.
I believe in You.
You have given me a new heart. You live in me and i live in You.
so Reign as Lord in my heart.
and may this repentance not be with only my lips,
but from the deepest part of my heart.
to return to you and in rest be saved;
and in quietness and trust find your strength. (isaiah 30.15)

You are gracious and merciful.
forgiving my sins. the past, present and future sins.
sins that separated me from You.
sins that cost me more than i could ever pay.
and that is why your gift of sending Your Son to pay the ransom for me, leaves me speechless.
there is No One like You.
No One.

‘O LORD, be gracious to us; we wait for you.
Be our arm every morning,
our salvation in the times of trouble.
The Lord is exalted, for he dwells on high;
he will fill Zion with justice and righteousness,
and he will be the stability of your times,
abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge,
the fear of the LORD is Zion’s treasure.”’
Isaiah 33.2,5-6

No longer is the ‘fear of the Lord’ just a commandment from man.
No, i have found that the fear of the Lord is a treasure.
I have found that the Lord is my salvation.
He is my Savior!

and though this time is one of refining.
and it is the ‘furnace of affliction’
and i feel the flames.
i know my Lord promises, ‘you shall not be burned and the flame shall not consume you.’ so do Your work. Refine me.

and when the fear rises up..
i can trust in the Lord,
for He says, ‘fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.’

My Redeemer, is the the the Lord.
and He is , I am.

“I, I am the LORD,
and besides me there is no savior.

Remember these things, O Jacob,
and Israel, for you are my servant;
I formed you; you are my servant;
O Israel, you will not be forgotten by me
I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud
and your sins like mist;
return to me, for I have redeemed you.

SING, O heavens, for the LORD has done it,
SHOUT, O depths of the earth;
break forth into singing, O mountains,
O forest, and every tree in it!!
for the LORD has redeemed Jacob and will be glorified in Israel.”